Aunt T

Game Changer

2011-11-24T07:31:00.007-05:00

A game changer is an event or decision that takes your life in a new direction and you will never be the same again. I have made decisions over the last 4 years that have been game changers. When I decided to quit my job at McKesson and leave Utah was a big game change. When I decided to move in with Terri to help her with childcare, that was another huge game changer. The news I received on November 23, 2011 was another big game changer. I have breast cancer.

R.A.W. (Ripped And Wounded)

2011-02-14T22:38:00.004-05:00

Do you ever think you are okay with something that has scarred you in the past and you rarely think about anymore? Then someone asks you a question, and in your inability to lie or lie well you tell them about the incident. As you begin to speak you feel fine, but you know this is going to hurt, but you can’t stop yourself. In your mind you say, “I am 38-years-old I can handle this,” You think this, because the incident happened when I was thirteen. “I can handle it.”

As you speak you can feel this facade that is your face rip, then begin to crumble, revealing the wounded 13-year-old that did not want to be the freak. She hated being different and she drowned in self-pity. You are not that person anymore, but with sharing the experience you feel the emotions bubble to the surface, and you think, “I am an idiot for opening this emotional wound. Why did I share?”

“Why did I share?”

I know they saw the pain I was feeling in my chest; the inability to breathe, as my lungs collapse on themselves. I feel like I am crushing from the inside like an aluminum can. The confidence I had work so hard to gain is gone in a second. When I leave, feeling awkward, wondering, “Why did I share that?” and “What do they think of me now?” I tell myself, “It’s a superficial scar, get over it!” The problem is this particular scar has wounded me so deeply, that I feel my soul ripping apart from the inside as I speak. I feel like I’m bleeding from wounds that cannot be seen. I bleed drops of blood that echo: Freak! Ugly! Maimed! Ridiculous! While in my mind people from my past gather round me to laugh and gawk like I’m a freak show.

“I’m not 13-years-old anymore! I’m not 13-years-old anymore!”

I know that I am unique and I’m beautiful, but tell that to the memories. The memories cut deep and cause me to feel raw.

Rice Krispies for Breakfast

2011-01-21T10:28:00.004-05:00

This morning at breakfast I poured the milk in Maddie's Rice Krispies. I had her hold the bowl up to her ear.

I asked her what she heard.

Her reply, "It's burning."

Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T21:21:00.002-05:00

Today I wanted to take the time to mention all the things I am grateful for.

I am grateful that I have the chance to be here with my sister and her family. I am grateful for such wonderful nieces and that I get to be apart of their lives.

I am grateful for the chance to go to school and that I only have one more semester. I can't believe that I am almost finished. The time has gone by so quickly.

I am grateful for my health.

I am grateful for the friends I have. I have some amazing friends!

I am grateful for being here on the east coast and all of the opportunities that it has given me. I am trying new things and expanding my skills in ways I never dreamed.

I am grateful for my family. I don't get to see them very often, but I love and appreciate them.

I am grateful to be alive and I can say that I am really enjoying my life right now. I am looking forward to the daily adventures I experience on the streets of New York and I am looking forward to the future whatever it may hold.

Thank you to everyone who has been apart of it.

Green

2010-08-23T21:40:00.020-04:00

"I feel like I can relate to the Wicked Witch of the West, from Wicked. Misunderstood, as a single woman in the LDS culture. It is a little like being green. I have felt people wonder what is wrong with me. What “evil” I might have done to end up single? I have often felt "wicked" because of my choices. I have chosen to do other things over being a wife and mother. This is because I feel like that there hasn't and may never be a man to come a long that I can give my heart to. Misunderstood by men as being independent, unapproachable, a bit cold and chilly. I have been told that I play impossible to get, instead of hard to get. Will I be misunderstood my whole life? I am excited about the dreams I have despite the fact that I lack a man in my life. I have dreams, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want a man in my life either.

I dream like most girls growing up and finding that one person who will be my friend, my equal, my comforter, and lover. I might never know him, so I live out my dreams in hope that he will step into my life someday. I wonder if I will ever step out of this green skin? If not, I will go on being misunderstood and green. In the eyes of others not quite a whole person, not quite knowledgeable of life, not quite schooled, someone without the education that comes from having a husband and family. Someone who just doesn’t get it. Someone who still isn’t respected as much as those who are married and have children."

I wrote this before I left Utah in 2008. I still often feel the same when I am around people from the LDS culture, but I was in a different place when I was leaving Utah than I am now. At that time I was very unhappy with my life and felt that I needed to get away from it all. I was unsure of the direction I wanted my life to go and I was so unsatisfied with the direction my life had been going. I have finally come full circle and I am happy with the direction of my life and what I am doing. I feel stronger and more independent. I am ready to let someone into my life, where in 2008, I only could shut people out. I am moving from my apartment right now and while I was packing I found this in my stuff and I thought I would share it. It might be crazy, but it was how I was feeling at the time.

I'm in Love!!!

2010-07-24T09:59:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am in love! I never, ever thought it would happen. I did not think it was possible. I have been a cynic for years. I have suppressed all my feelings of longing and desire. I let you in and I will never, ever be the same. You have changed me and I am grateful. My heart sings and my feet feel lighter as I enter your presences.

My heart will break when I have to leave you, but for now I will cherish every moment I have with you. Today I wanted to thank you for being apart of my life! Central Park you are wonderful!

Running Boot Camp

2010-03-25T14:04:00.000-04:00

I moved to the city about two weeks ago. I'm now living in Harlem. I'm four blocks from Central Park and I love it! It is so nice to get up in the morning and walk or run to the park. If I'm having a lazy day or the weather is nice I will walk the forty-two blocks to my school through the park. Yeah, I did that last week and it was an awesome day!

I've signed up to run a half-marathon at the end of April. I ran one last August, but I did a very stupid thing. I thought I would work on getting back into shape. Well what happened was the date rolled around and I had done maybe four runs total over the four months since I had registered for the race. I ended up running the blasted thing and wanting to die the whole time because I was so out of shape. This was last August, now we are at the end of March and I get this brilliant idea. I have one month till the next half-marathon and I again have been very bad with my running schedule. I see on the NYRR website that they have a runners boot camp. I sign up thinking I will at least make myself run one day out of the week before I attempt another half-marathon. The other idea is that someone will push me farther than I'm willing to push myself.

Today was my first class. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but I can tell right now that my legs and butt are going to be very sore tomorrow. I hope I'm feeling good enough to run a 10k on Sunday, because I'm signed up to do one. I'm not going to be in great shape this time, but I will be in better shape than I was last year. Everyone in my class seems pretty cool. It is a wonderful way to spend Thursday mornings at 6:30am.

Back in School

2010-02-02T06:21:00.000-05:00

Well I have started another semester. It is the 4th week and I am already behind. Okay lets be honest. I have been behind for the past 3 weeks. Part of the reason is because my sister has been in the hospital. She is home now and she has had her babies. I'm still trying to catch up and decided to go to school early on Thursday. I forgot that there was a walk out at school because of the increase tuition hike and budget cuts. This was suppose to happen at 1:00pm. I get to school at 3:00pm and there are police officers every where and I along with everyone else entering the school are asked for our ID's.

Apparently there was a rally with around 200 students but then there were individuals who came into the school and began vandalizing the schools and attacking the financial aid office an breaking doors. I missed all of the excitement by 2 hours. The school ended up closing everything down like the cafeteria, bookstore and all of the offices. I wasn't able to get anything done that I had planned on doing while I was there. No one was hurt and apparently those who were vandalizing the school were arrested, but were not Hunter Students. I wouldn't have minded be apart of the peaceful rally outside. I completely disagree with destruction of the school and scaring the employees of the school.

Today I'm going to go into the city have a quick bite with friends and then I'm off to the library to study!

Snow in New York

2009-12-21T08:21:00.000-05:00

This weekend we had a big snow storm in New York. I guess it just wasn't New York, but most of the east coast. The news stations warned everyone and I knew that going into the city on a Saturday night might mean not getting home. So I planned a head to stay with my friend if I wasn't able to get home.

I got on the bus and getting into the city on Saturday night was one of the easiest commutes I have ever had. No one was going into the city. There was no wait for the tunnel at all. When I got to Port Authority the snow began to fall. I met my friend Sharilyn and we waited for our friend Barb. Barb called a little after the appointed meeting time. She told us she was having trouble printing her final and said she wouldn't be able to met us for the evening we had planned. Sharilyn and I decided to take the subway up to Barb and meet with her once she was finished with her paper. We got on the subway and got off at 116th. When we got to the stop the snow was really coming down so we called her and told her that we would meet her at DeLuxe Cafe on 113th.

We got to the restaurant and sat down to defrost. We talked to the waiter and listened to his suggestions then waited a little longer. We finally decided to order our dinner. I got the meat loaf with mushroom sauce and mashed potatoes and Sharilyn ordered the lasagna. We both decided on warm comfort food to go along with the projected blizzard. Shortly after ordering Barb called us and told us to go a head and order. She said she had just finished printing her paper and would be there shortly. She arrived just as we were getting our food. She ordered a hamburger and we settled in for good food and conversation. We laughed and talked and enjoyed a nice evening with Barb before she headed home for the holidays.

When dinner was over we said goodbye to Barb, then Sharilyn and I decided to go catch a movie before calling it a night. We went to the theater at Lincoln Center and watched Invictus. I really enjoyed the movie, but as Sharilyn and I were talking after the movie, I was a little embarrassed and surprised by the fact that apartheid ended in my life time. I had no idea that it took place during 1992. I was so impressed with Morgan Freeman's performance of Nelson Mandela. I loved his message of forgiveness, and how he unified his nation. He was so wise in how he handled unifying a nation that was at the verge of falling apart. I really loved how he guided people together to begin the healing of a nation on the verge of self destruction. Forgiveness was his message to those who worked closely with him and for those of his nation.

In the movie Nelson Mandela gives the poem that follows to the captain of the Spring Board, which was the South Africa rugby team. He tells him how he used this poem while he was incarcerated for 27 years with a large part on Robben Island. When things were tough he would recite this poem.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

This was an inspiring movie for me. I really enjoyed the message of forgiveness and that we have control over our souls even if we may not have control over the situation.

The Cookie Making Has Commenced!

2009-12-14T22:59:00.000-05:00

It is December, and the air has finally cooled down, and it is beginning to feel like winter. I have just finished my classes for the semester and it is time to move on to the next phase of December, the Christmas holiday!

I'm so excited to go to the Lincoln Center to see Handel's Messiah at the Avery Fisher Hall on Wednesday night. I have dusted off my scores and I just need to pick out an outfit. My good friend Sharilyn is going to join me in my yearly tradition and we will sing our little hearts out. I love Sing-alongs! Can't wait till the 16th.

Tonight I made the first batch of cookie dough, orange sunshine cookies. These are carrot cookies with an orange frosting. Tomorrow is going to be the beginning of the cookie assembly line. I have planned on making at least nine different types of cookies. Ginger cookies, mexican wedding cookies, snickerdoodles, lemon bars, orange sunshine cookies, cherry macaroons, peanut blossoms, sugar cookies and chocolate crinkle cookies. I love making cookies just as much as I love eating them. It makes me happy. I don't even know if the people who get the cookies even like them, but I enjoy making them just the same. It gives me a reason to go and visit people, and I love doing that too. I may decide to post a picture of the finished products if I remember.

Here are a few other things that I plan on doing during the Christmas Holiday. Free ice skating in Bryant Park, because I own my own skates. :) Going to the Met because I haven't been there in years. Rockefeller Center to see the tree and 5th Ave to see the window displays. Watching movies that I haven't had the chance to see yet. Best of all hanging out with Maddie and Terri! Terri and I will try and get a little sewing done before January.

I am looking forward to relaxing and maybe even getting a few runs in. It feels good to be free from deadlines for a little while.

Thanksgiving Parade!

2009-11-27T08:46:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had the opportunity to go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I have really never been much of a huge fan of parades, but I do have to say that I had a great time yesterday. The weather was perfect yesterday for a parade at the end of November. The temperature was in the 50's and there was no wind. My favorite part of the parade was the balloons and the bands.

Here are some of my favorite pictures.

Crunch Time/Gratitude

2009-11-15T17:17:00.000-05:00

I'm coming to the end of a semester. I'm stressing out! The strange thing is I'm so happy to be back in school. I didn't think that I would have enjoyed school so much. I still don't have down the perfect schedule of getting my home work done in a timely manner. I could be more diligent in my projects, and I still procrastinate when I should be studying, but I'm enjoying the journey.

Yesterday in my History of Special Educations class the teacher talked for five hours about laws and acronyms, but I loved it. After class there were people saying that it was such torture being there, but I felt differently. I was glad I was there, and it was so neat to see someone who could talk for five hours about a subject most people would consider extremely boring. She knew everything. I love being around people who know their stuff.

I have so much to do in the next three weeks. I can't even tell you how overwhelmed I feel, but I'm glad I'm here. I'm enjoying the subjects I'm studying. I guess what I'm learning will help me to be a good mother someday, or a better aunt now. So this education is already showing some benefits.

In church today the sacrament meeting was on gratitude. I was thinking as the talks were given that I have so much! I'm going to school to get a masters like I have always wanted to do. I have the chance to be close to my sister and be back in her life and be a part her daughters. I have wonderful friends here in New York and back in Utah and all over the country. I'm finally feeling hope again. Then I think what has changed? I've started praying again and reading my scriptures daily. It feels good to be moving in the right direction.

Halloween Extravaganza and Procession of the Ghouls

2009-10-31T01:16:00.000-04:00

Tonight I had the opportunity to go to The Cathedral Church of Saint John the Divine in Manhattan. Let me just start off by saying the church, I mean cathedral is HUGE! I had a great time. First thing when you walk into the cathedral there is this ghoul playing a cello or is that a base, anyway it is at the entrance of the hall. When you turn around and look at the rose stain glass window there was a large skeleton head covering it. The cathedral was filled with fog and there were green lights through out the hall. We found our seats about in the middle of the cathedral and on the isle, which was a suggestion of a friend who went to the earlier showing that day.

The lights go down and the very famous organ piece, dah, nah, nah, dah, nah, nah, nah. The movie begins. It is the silent film Nosferatu from 1922. My friend Barbara was not able to read the words on the screen from where we are so I read them to her. It was awesome to have live organ music by Timothy Brumfield. I don't know who that is, but he was awesome! I think we laughed more than anything at the film. It was a lot of fun.

When the film was over the procession of the Ghouls began. The Ghouls came out from the front of the cathedral and walked down the middle isle. The organ played and the fog came back on. The costumes were fabulous! While the procession was going down the isle, a large skeleton came down just above where I was sitting and was swinging back and forth. The skeleton head in the back bounced up and down and a man dressed as a beetle was slowly repelling down one of the giant pillars so it looked like a beetle walking down the pillar. It was really cool. One of the Ghouls stopped and scratched it's long claws on my hat.

It was a wonderful way to spend a Halloween weekend. If you ever make it to New York for Halloween, I highly recommend this. They rotate the films every year between three different films. I'm looking forward to next year. It looks like next year is The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1922).

Reflections and Realizations’ of a Hard Heart

2009-10-05T09:13:00.000-04:00

This is an expert from my new journal I'm beginning to keep. I am hoping to move forward this year and no longer slide down the slippery slope I have found myself on the last few years. I'm resolved to make the rest of 2009 and 2010 a time of progress and healing. I need to heal my heart. Please pray for me.

"October 2, 2009

Where I have been the last couple of years is a place that I thought I never would end up at. I have developed a hard heart, something I told myself I would never have. I witnessed a hard heart in my grandmother and made myself a promise years ago that I would not end up like her. I have not become my grandmother in many aspects, but I have nurtured a hard heart the last few years. I have been trying to figure out this last year while living with my sister Terri why or how I came to this place. Teaching the young women in the New City ward helped me find those answers and watching general conference this weekend confirmed what I had found out for myself.

I stopped praying morning and night before I left Utah in 2008. I no longer asked Heavenly Father for comfort or guidance. I felt that I didn’t needed or I guess more correctly I no longer wanted to include the Lord in my life. I stopped reading the scriptures. I felt that my life was becoming unbalanced and I felt guilt if I read anything other than the scriptures, so I stopped reading the scriptures. It doesn’t make since, but that is what I did. I stopped writing in my journal. I have no idea where my journal is, but I thought that I would start keeping an electronic journal now. I haven’t been to a temple session since I was in Utah and now my recommend is expired. It has been over a year since I have gone. That is the longest that I have let myself be away from the House of the Lord.

I wanted to stop believing because I felt that believing was making me unhappy. I felt that no matter how hard I worked in my callings and no matter how good I tried to be that I was still falling short of what I was suppose to do. I guess that all of my experiences with LDS men fell short of what my expectations were of having a loving and lasting relationship. I found that men who were not LDS treated me better. I didn’t understand why LDS men didn’t see my worth. I became frustrated with the lack of options. I felt misunderstood by my married friends. I found myself unhappy and decided to move away from what I perceived as the cause of my unhappiness. So here I am today, in a state of depression that I have never known and I am out of shape looking for a way to rekindle the flame I felt in my life, and the desire to live again.

Did I need to go through this trial? I don’t know, but I’m here and I want to feel good again. I want to feel a live again. I want to feel my heart again. I want to feel whole again.

Prayer: Beginning to pray again!"

Hunter College

2009-09-11T14:13:00.001-04:00

I'm studying Special Education for Early Childhood. It has been two weeks of school, and I love my classes. Getting back into the mind set of studying has been difficult, but necessary. I really want to make this experience a good one and I want to take advantage of having some wonderful teachers.

The pictures I have taken of Lexington from the air bridges that are on the 3rd and 7th floor of the school between the East and West Buildings. It is a very urban school, no grass, just cement and glass. It is just two blocks from Central Park, so if I really want an out door experience I do have close access to one of the best parks in the world.

Just wanted to give you all a small peek where I will be spending the next two years.

Concord, Mass

2009-09-09T11:32:00.000-04:00

I went with a friend to Cambridge this weekend and did a little site seeing. I just have to say that Boston is one of my favorite cities in the U.S. (Don't let my brother-in-law hear me say that.)

We took the "Lucky Bus" out of Chinatown to Boston. We originally thought it was going to be a three and a half hour ride, which turned into five hours. Ugh! So we arrived in Boston much later than we had planned. My friend Barb lived in Cambridge last year while she attended Harvard, so we were staying with Rebecca, her roommate from last year. On Monday, Barb and I rented a car and had the opportunity to go to Concord. It was a nice drive and we had an enjoyable day wandering the area. I took a walking tour of the town, and learned fun little facts like, the school where May Alcott taught the famous artist Daniel Chester French. (Abigail) May Alcott was the sister of Louisa May Alcott's who wrote "Little Women". Amy in "Little Women" is loosely based on "May" Abigail May Alcott. Concord was beautiful and it was so nice to see the area, where so much literature was created.

I also had the opportunity to see revolutionary war sites. This is the sculpture of the "Minutemen". This sculpture is done by Daniel Chester French who I mentioned above, he also did the "Lincoln Memorial" in D.C. He did this when he was about 19 years old. This is at the North Bridge where some of the first shots of the Revolutionary War were fired.

After the walking tour, Barb took me to one of the best ice cream shops I have ever been to. It is called Kimball Farm and it is in the middle of nowhere, but it is very busy. The small is two large scoops and it was something like $3.50. Isn't that small huge. I am embarrassed to say, but I finished most of my ice cream. I got black raspberry and lemon sorbet. This photo is of Barb's ice cream. She got chocolate heath bar and chocolate chip cookie dough rolled in jimmies.

When the ice cream was consumed and guilt began to set in, we decided to drive over to Walden Pond and take a walk. The pound is beautiful and it takes about 40 minutes to walk the perimeter of the pond. It was Labor Day so the pond was very busy with swimmers and strollers and even a couple of people trying to fish. It was a beautiful evening and it felt so peaceful despite having so many occupants. I really enjoyed the walk and even felt a little enlightened afterwards.

It was a nice quick to to the Boston area. I will have to go back again. Hopefully sooner than later.

Under the Same Moon

2009-09-04T22:24:00.000-04:00

Tonight I wanted a break from homework. Yes, it is my first week and I'm already looking for breaks from homework. Well I had this movie that I ordered from Blockbuster and it seemed like the perfect way to give my mind a break. Really, did I need a break after only one day of reading. Oh, back to the reason I'm writing this, and it is not to avoid studying, okay maybe a little. I digress.

Under the Same Moon "The debut feature from director Patricia Riggen, this drama centers on a young boy's journey across the U.S./Mexico border to be reunited with his mother. Adrian Alonso stars as Carlitos, a Mexican adolescent living with his grandmother while his mother works as a maid in the U.S., hoping someday to send for her child. But when the grandmother dies unexpectedly, Carlitos must sneak across the border and seek out his mother. Featuring a supporting performance by America Ferrera of ABC's Ugly Betty, Under the Same Moon premiered at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival, where it received a standing ovation. ~ Matthew Tobey, All Movie Guide"

Oh, this was a beautiful movie. If you want a drama that is well made this is the film for you. I fell in love with Carlitos. I love how this little boy changed people. I cheered for him the whole time. I really enjoyed this movie, and felt hope. If you want a break from the normal Hollywood releases, this is a nice drama without being to heavy. You do have to be willing to read subtitles, but don't let that stop you. It was fabulous!

NYC half marathon

2009-08-16T20:08:00.000-04:00

Well this morning I ran the NYC half marathon. Since May 3rd I had been planning on running the race. I had ample time to train, but I just couldn't get myself out to run like I had in the past. I ran maybe once or twice a month the last three months. Let me just say that is not a good training plan. The last time I ran was a 10K on July 26th.

Today I ran one of the hardest races, of my life. It was hot and humid which didn't help with me being so out of shape. Thank goodness there were no injuries, and I felt good for the most part accept my feet, and the blasted heat. My feet were not accustomed to the mileage, but I can say that I didn't get any blisters. Yeah! My endurance is what I really struggled with.

I'm beginning to think I'm a little masochistic in my running. I ran the 2004 Salt Lake Marathon without training. At least then I was still running six miles three times a week. Who signs up for races and then doesn't train? Me, I'm guilty.

Insomnia

2009-08-10T06:44:00.000-04:00

I have never had a problem with sleeping. I'm one of those people, when my head hits the pillow I'm out. I wake up 6 to 8 hours later ready to go for the day. I usually will wake up before my alarm goes off. My former roommates can vouch that I'm typically a morning person.

Well for the last 3 nights I find myself waking at around 3:00 or 4:00am, but this morning it was at 1:00am. I'm not sure what to think about this new development. I'm a little stressed because I start a masters program at the end of the month. This might be the cause of my sleepless nights. I have found that I'm a little more iritable during the day. How do people do it all the time? I'm not too worried since it is only the third night, but if this translates into months of no sleep, then I think I will not be too happy with this new state. I guess I can be happy that I had 36 years of good sleep.

Conversation with a 6 year old

2009-08-08T22:16:00.000-04:00

So, I was out in my parents yard today, starting up the charcoal to BBQ some chicken. All of the sudden a little blonde hair girl walks out of my parents backyard and starts asking me questions without introducing herself. I ask her where she came from, and she said she was visiting her grandfather, and points to my parents backyard. I assumed she was visiting my parents neighbors behind their house. Then I see my dad's friend in the backyard cutting up the trees that fell in a storm two years ago. He has been coming to get wood to heat his home. I go to say hello to him and discover that the little blonde girl is with him. He tells me her name is Sage.

So, I go back to preparing the coals and she begins asking me all kinds of questions and the first question is do I believe in fairy's. I say, "I did at one time and I know people who still do." She tells me that she believes in fairies. The conversation continues, and she asks me how old I am. She thinks I am a teenager. I then proceed to tell her that I am probably older than her mother. She said she didn't think so. I ask how old is your mother, and she tells me that she is 30. I said well I'm 36 years old, so I'm older than your mother.

Some how in the conversation it came out that I don't have children and don't want them right now. She said, "Why don't you want children. You should try to have kids you might like trying, and if you keep trying you might get a kid." I'm thinking in my head, "that is percisely what I am worried about, that I will like the trying part, and then I will end up with a kid. It wouldn't be prudent for someone one in my situation." She kept saying, "I think you should try, I think you would like trying. Haven't you ever tried something that you didn't think you would like and you liked it, like grabbing a spiderweb." I started to laugh.

San Diego Trip 2009

2009-07-30T11:23:00.000-04:00

I had the opportunity to travel to San Diego recently. I was so excited to feel the intense sun of the west coast. I often feel that the east coast doesn't have the same sunshine as the west. I know it is all in my head, but it just seems to be much brighter on the west coast. I arrived in San Diego on July 14th and after a long flight from New York I took it easy for the rest of the day.

July 15th was the day first day we spent at SeaWorld. I have to say that I really enjoyed being up close to some amazing sea life, but my favorite part of that day was going with my niece to the Shamu Show. My niece Maddie was so cute. There is part of the show where they have the audience do the Shamu Slam. You lift both hands in the air in front of you and then bring them down, and repeat. During this time the orca swims in the tank splashing the audience. My little niece who is 18 months old was having so much fun doing the slam. I have attached a video, but she just at the very end.

July 16th I had the opportunity to take the Amtrak up to Dana Point. The ride on the train was beautiful. I got to see some wonderful beaches. I was going up to visit friends that I had while I lived in Salt Lake. Christy Johnson picked me up at the train station, and took me over to visit another good friend from Salt Lake, Barbie Miranda. After a good visit, I went with Christy to see where Christy and Eric had just moved. They have a beautiful view of the ocean.

Then I spent some quality time with Christy and Eric.

That night Barbie, George and their two beautiful children joined us for dinner. We had a great dinner, and then Eric and Christy took me down to the beach to have a nice walk. It was so wonderful to spend the day with such good friends.

The next day Eric drove me back to San Diego and I spent another day at Sea World with Seth, Maddie and Tammy. Tammy and I got to ride the Atlantis and we all checked out the Commerson's Dolphin. Maddie loved the dolphin. It is black and white and a small dolphin. I borrowed this picture from the web. I didn't have my camera with me to take a picture at SeaWorld. They were so cute. I think they were my favorite animal there.

Our last day in San Diego was spent at La Jolla. Terri was meeting up with a friend there and so we went there before we had to go to the airport.

Tammy and I walked a long the coast then we went to the museum there. It was featuring architecture. I really enjoyed it, but Tammy said she would have preferred paintings. I have this fun picture of Tammy in the garden by a sculpture.

Sleeping on the Streets of New York.

2009-07-12T21:47:00.000-04:00

I had a little adventure this weekend. Shakespeare in the Park; the "Twelfth Night" with Anne Hathaway as Viola. I really enjoy the "Twelfth Night". I watched in the past at the Cedar City Shakespeare Festival. I was so excited about the opportunity to get free tickets, so my sister Terri had planned to stand in line with me on Thursday morning to get tickets for that evenings show. You can only get tickets the day of the show, so we show up at Central Park at 5:30am and the line is about six blocks long. We ask the people in the line towards the front what time they had arrived and they said 4:30am. We decide there was no way we would be getting tickets that day. I told Terri, that I would come back the next day at 2:00am to get in line.

Friday at 12:30am I begin my trip to the city. I have a sleeping bag, air mattress, food, water, dog, dog food and sewing project. I cross the Hudson on the ferry smuggling Phoebe on. I catch a cab and get out at 81st Street and Central Park West. I arrive at 1:05am. I'm an hour earlier than I plan. I think I'm doing alright. I get out of the cab at the beginning of the line. I start walking down the block. I see tons of people. I keep walking, and I find myself finally at 86th Street. I get my place in line and begin the waiting. I can see people jumping into the line in front of me, but of course it is the honor system and confronting someone will do no good.

I set up and begin talking to the people around me. Just in front of me is an interesting man by the name of Patrick. He is from Vancouver, Canada and is in New York City doing a doctorate in social something or the other. He flies to India to do research. Behind me were two students that were probably writers or actors. I talked most of the night to Patrick, except the two hours that we both try to get some sleep. I only got at the most one hour of sleep. At about 3:45am I'm awaken hearing "Billy Jean is not my lover" blaring loudly. I think it is a car waiting at the light, and I think, okay when will the light change. It is still blaring. Phoebe is visibly annoyed. I look up and see two men walking down the street. One holding a boom box and the other laughing at him. The man with the stereo is dancing and begins yelling, "Michael isn't dead." "Michael lives on!" I look and the guy is doing some vulgar dance moves to a light pole. All I'm thinking is will someone brake that stereo. It took him forever to make his way down the street, I know because I heard at least three songs. You could hear people from the line yelling at him to turn it down.

At 6:00am they let us into the park to form the official line. The employees are trying to keep people from cutting into line as we move to the official line. They walk along and give us instruction of not being able to leave the line and if we let others cut we will be removed from the line along with the person we let into the line.

I find myself in a little area that is wooded and dirt. There is an amazing tree about 50 feet infront of me that would be an amazing climbing tree. I love all of the knots and twists of the tree. I set up and begin working on my sewing project. I find the park much more comfortable than the street. I visit more with Patrick and we take turns holding each others spots for restroom runs. I have to watch Phoebe when other dogs get too close, because she has had a bad night with no sleep and is very territorial of her little space.

Patrick and the two guys behind me feel good that we will get tickets. I'm still nervous. The security begins walking up and down the line telling us that at 12:45pm they will begin giving out the tickets. We all began packing and getting our things ready to move. When we move you can see the line snaking through the park toward the theater. By 1:20pm I'm almost to the theater. I'm so close and then the line stops. I hear them beginning to announce something. My stomach drops. They begin thanking us for coming out, but all of the tickets and vouchers have been given out for that evenings show. I begin counting the people in front of me. Twenty-eight people in front of me. I was twenty-nine people away from getting a ticket after a twelve hour wait. You would think that I would be upset, but I wasn't. I really enjoyed my opportunity to sleep on a street in New York City. I had great conversation's and the weather was perfect for a twelve hour wait in line. Yes, I didn't get the tickets I wanted so badly, but I will always remember the night I camped out on Central Park West.

Lesson learned: Go early in the production. The week before, there were no lines and everyone who wanted tickets got them. Don't wait till the closing weekend.

4th of July

2009-07-05T14:15:00.000-04:00

Well I can say for a fact, that last nights fireworks across the Hudson were the best I have ever seen. I had the wonderful opportunity to sit in my sister's father-in-laws apartment on the 41st floor. We had an unobstructed view of the Hudson. We watched as the Hudson River filled up with boats and when it was dark it looked as though the city extended across the water to Jersey, with all of the boat lights. Then it was fun to watch the six barges that were filled with fireworks get into position. We had good food and I was with great company. When the Macy's show started we turned on the TV to channel 4 and had it on in the background so we could hear the Boston Pops play as the fireworks exploded before our eyes. I have never had the opportunity to see them from a wonderful angle, it was amazing. It felt like we were in box seats at a Jazz game. It was so fun listening to Maddie as she ooo-ed and ah-ed over her first firework show.

Happy 4th everyone!

Good bye Beetle

2009-06-05T20:29:00.000-04:00

I'm officially a New Yorker. I sold my car to my parents and they left with it on Thursday. It is interesting being without wheels. I have had a car since I was 19. I never thought I would be without a car, but it makes more sense for me to get rid of it now.

My little car was good to me and I will miss it. I will now be joining the groups of mass commuters of public transportation.

Thank you for the wonderful memories!

"Valentino: The Last Emperor"

2009-04-21T11:43:00.000-04:00

Last night I had the opportunity to watch this film with my good friend Nicky who was in town for business. After a long walk in a torrential down poor and navigating the subway system of New York we made it to CC Cinema for the 8:05 showing of "Valentino: The Last Emperor". I love documentaries, but this one for me was a lot of fun. Even though you may not be able to tell from my style choices, I love the clothing industry. I love especially the design part. I love it when a piece of clothing lays just right because it has been cut properly and sewn to fit. I love the rich fabric the makes the design look just right.

My favorite part of the film was watching the process of constructing the garment. From sketching to finished product. I enjoyed watching Valentino speak about seeing the dress in a dream then woke to sketch it. He had a group of ladies who were amazing. They sewed everything by hand. I love that. Nothing is more amazing than constructing something with your own hands. Placing the stitch in just the right place so the it looks perfect. The detail they did was amazing. In the film his partner and friend Giancarlo Giammetti talked about how they bought a sewing machine early in the business and it has never been used.

If you enjoy fashsion and get the opportunity, I say take a moment to watch this.

Thanks Nicky for braving the weather to see this with me.

Christmas Day

2008-12-25T09:09:00.000-05:00

It is Christmas Day and I am enjoying the holiday even though there is no tree. I am living in New York with my sister in a Jewish house hold. They have gone the extra mile to give me a wonderful Christmas. They cooked me a Christmas Eve meal, and this morning had a stocking hung on the fire place mantle. They gave me wonderful gifts, and had Christmas music playing. They were so very kind to give me a wonderful Christmas.

I am so blessed to have wonderful friends and family who have given me so much joy over the past year. Thank you everyone for a wonderful season!

Messiah sing a long

2008-12-12T15:44:00.000-05:00

December 9th, I had the opportunity to drag along a small group of young women from my ward to go to a Messiah sing-a-long. It was at a beautiful catholic church in New Jersey. None of the Young Women had ever heard of Handel or heard of the music. I was so excited, because I have attended for the past four years in Salt Lake with friends. I was worried that I would not be able to attend this year.

My favorite part other than the music is the fact that I can pretend to sing and sing well. I love the fact that there are all of these beautiful voices surrounding me and I can sing as loud as I want without feeling too self conscious. I love following the music and trying to find my place and when I should come in. It is always a challenge, but one I enjoy.

The cathedral was beautiful, the music was beautiful and I started

too early more than once. It was a wonderful evening and a fabulous way to start off the Christmas season.

To the Zoo Quilt

2008-11-17T08:18:00.000-05:00

On November 9th I had the opportunity to go to the Palisades Mall and look at a quilt exhibit. The difference about this quilt exhibit was I had a quilt the was entered into the exhibit.

I don't love the quilt, but I learned a lot making it. I want to do another one, but change the pattern up some and work on the color scheme.

My favorite square to do was the birds. I liked all the colors of the birds.

I patterned this quilt after the Central Park Zoo. I was really excited about the penguin exhibit, but it didn't quite turn out like I wanted. One of the penguins looks crazy.

After I entered the quilt I was really nervous that I wouldn't win, but I was even more worried that no one would bid on the quilt at the auction. I didn't place, but I was pleasantly surprised when someone bid $125.oo on my quilt. I had a higher bid than the 2nd place winner.

I was glad I did the project even though it was a lot of work. I found out about the contest at the end of September and began working on it the first of October and the due date was October 31st. I wasn't even close to finishing 3 days before the contest ended so I stayed up for 3 days to finish it. I had an idea of how I wanted the quilting done, but in the end it wasn't very detailed. I was just happy I was able to finish it enough to enter it into the contest. The nice thing was the money raised by the auction went to a local charity.

Maddie and the UltraSaucer

2008-11-17T08:11:00.000-05:00

Maddie loves her exerciser, but not only does she love jumping in her exerciser and using it to help her do her daily constitution she loves being out of it. When Maddie is not in the exerciser she loves to climb in it. She will climb throuh it and then try to stand up in it and then she gets stuck. Most of the time she will sit down and climb out, but sometimes she gets frustrated and we have to take out the seat so she can stand up in it.

Election Day

2008-11-05T21:42:00.000-05:00

Wow! I am so excited that I was able to witnesses such a momentous event. It was so exciting to see such a historical event take place. I know I have heard so much about Obama not having experience and crap about Obama being associated with radicals. What I saw last night was a man who elegantly spoke about his love for his country and his desire to bring much needed change. I saw a man who really loves his wife and his children. I saw a man who is educated and ready to serve, but humbled by the huge task that lays before him. I was also impressed with McCain's concession speak. He was graceful, and I only hope that those who voted for him will follow suit.

I loved seeing the celebrations of all the people who had voted for him. I loved seeing the faces filled with tears. This was something that the majority of us thought we would never see in our life time. It is possible for a man to be judged by the content of his character and not by the color of his skin.

I did wonder at the contrast of the two different venues that were chosen for the speeches. Obama thanked everyone at Grant Park in Chicago, filled with supporters that flowed into the streets. McCain's had chosen an upscale hotel in Phoenix that look extremely isolated. I felt that McCain's choice was a representation of the Republican party and where it is today. Elitists that are out of touch with the people. I used to be a Republican, but I have been so disappointed with the party that I left. I am proud to say that I voted for Obama.

Rocketship Run @ Lincoln Center

2008-09-21T22:22:00.000-04:00

Today I had the opportunity to go with Maddie, Terri and Seth to the Lincoln Center to attend Maddie's first concert in New York. Terri told me that Laurie Berkner was the "Elvis Presley" of children's music. Well I had never heard of her, but it was a lot of fun. She was quite entertaining. Before today I don't think the Lincoln Center has seen so many people dancing in the isles. Maddie was getting into the fun she was jumping up and down and flapping her arms at such a high rate she looked like a humming bird.

I never thought that my first time to the Lincoln center would be for a children's concert, especially since I have no children of my own. I don't regret going, because I had a good time.

I have added a video I took on my phone of Maddie. She was doing all of the bouncing herself. She does that when she gets excited. If you listen closely you can hear her cute little squeal.

Fish Face

2008-09-19T08:32:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had the chance to drive around Rockland County with Maddie. I am on the hunt for great parks. By the time I found one I wanted to explore, little Maddie was out cold. I didn't want to wake her, so I decided to leave the exploration for another day. It is different here, because you can't see anything for the trees, and it is hard to find parks because they are not marked well.

Maddie and I are having a good time. I am proud to say that I have taught Maddie, or at least I am taking credit for teaching her how to do the fish face. This picture is the coming out of the fish face. Every time she sees the camera she stops what she is doing.

Eating with Maddie is a bit of an overstatement. She really doesn't eat that much she ends up wearing more than she eats. Maddie has struggled with eating. She has had a hard time getting the food down. She usually throws the face "What are you putting in my mouth?" It is really cute. So one day I tried her food, and it is yucky, so I can't blame her for throwing the faces. The funny thing is she does that with anything that is put in her mouth. I think it is the initial reaction because she will eat some things and like it but you always get the face. Maddie also prefers to feed herself, but doesn't get much food to the mouth.

Maddie teething

2008-09-15T08:35:00.001-04:00

Terri and Maddie to the right. I think that Maddie is going to grow up with a sense of humor, because her mom you can see is a bit of a ham and then hanging out with me, well she doesn't stand a chance.

It has been fun to see Maddie growing just in the short time that I have been here. She began waving, and sitting up the first week that I arrived. She will be crawling before we know it. She is ready to go, but has yet to figure out how to get her legs to work in harmony with her desires. She is going to be a little ball of fire once she is able to move where she wants.

Maddie broke her first tooth last week with the second just a day or two behind. She has been uncomfortable, but not too cranky for growing teeth. She loves to bite on anything she can get her hands on.

Center Park Zoo

2008-09-12T12:05:00.000-04:00

August 23, 2008

I had the chance to go to Central Park Zoo before Tammy flew back to Oregon. It was so fun to see Maddie get excited about the animals.

Here are a couple of pictures of Terri and Maddie while we were at the zoo.

Trip across the country

2008-09-06T07:40:00.000-04:00

I have made it safely to New York. It took 5 days and a small amount of site seeing to make it here. Let's just say I feel asleep when I got here I fell asleep on the couch while my two sisters were visiting, and most embarrassing of all I fell asleep at Spamalot the next day. I thought it was funny, but couldn't keep my eyes open.

Day 1: we left Astoria at 6:30 am on August 17th.
We drove to Alberton, Montana where we camped next to a beautiful river. I slept in a tent and Tammy (my sister) slept in the back of my beetle. Let just say Tammy wasn't really interested in doing that again. You can see us here sitting in the back watching a movie to pass the time before we hit the sack.

Day 2: We left Alberton early in the morning and drove to West Yellowstone, Montana. We drove into the park and drove to the group of geysers. We made two stops. The first stop was beautiful and it felt more the way Yellowstone should feel, no giant lodges. Just 500 other people and the scenery. Then we headed to Old Faithful. Unfortunately we were not able to see Old Faithful go, but it was still neat. I got some pretty cool t-shirts. After we ate our home made sandwiches we took off for our next stop. Our goal was to reach Custer, South Dakota that night.

We took a really beautiful drive through Yellowstone. We saw one buffalo that was walking next to my car. It was HUGE. I told Tammy if that thing wanted to ram the beetle it would smash it. The bison would defiantly have won. We felt very tiny compared to that beautiful animal. Unfortunately we were not fast enough to get a picture. We drove around a large beautiful lake and saw a bear on a hill eating possibly berries. It was fun to see one that close.

On our drive through Wyoming at around 8:00pm after stopping for some really, really, and I mean really bad Mexican food I decided that it wasn't safe driving in the dark. I was getting tired and I saw two really large bucks on the side of the road. They were standing just off the shoulder. One had at least 5 points (hard to tell going 75 mph) but it was a good size rack. I didn't think it would be wise to hit one in my little car. We found a hotel room at around 9:30 pm to sleep for the night.

Day 3: We woke up early, because we wanted to stop at Jewel Cave that morning and Mt. Rushmore while taking our drive across this beautiful nation.

Jewel Cave is just outside of Custer, SD. I realized on our drive to Custer that morning that I am glad that we didn't try to make it all the way the night before. The road to Custer was a two lane winding road once we got off of I-90. We would of been more likely to hit a large roaming animal in the dark.

We arrived at Jewel cave at 8:00am and the tours didn't begin till 9:00am so we wandered around a bit till they let us in the tourist center. We watch a quick film on the discovery of the cave and the couple who had spent so much time finding new caverns. We took an hour tour that takes you deep into the ground on an elevator (the only way in and out).

This cave is unique in that it is the 2nd longest cave in the US at 143.3 miles long, and they are discovering new caverns everyday. They claim that it is most likely only 1/3 of it has been mapped. The velocity of the air pressure going through the cave means that there are miles of cavern. They said it is possible that it could one day be declared the longest cave.

The cave is covered in crystals. The man who discovered it originally was hoping that he had found precious jewels but they are a form of calcite crystals and are very soft to the touch. It was beautiful and definitely worth a stop for a couple of hours. Here is the website for the national park http://www.nps.gov/jeca/

After Jewel Cave we headed for Mt. Rushmore. We got to glimpse the Crazy Horse monument from the road. We decided not to stop still since it is still a work in progress.

Mt Rushmore was a quick stop. It was kind of like National Lampoons Vacation where Chevy Chase walks up to the edge of the Grand Canyon and looks with his head bobbing up and down briefly and says, "Lets go!" We stopped long enough to eat our lunch and take a couple of pictures and get me some over priced ice cream. Then it was on the road again.

We drove through some amazing landscapes. I had no idea that South Dakota was so beautiful. I would definitely go back some day and stay a while longer. We made it to Sioux Falls that night at 7:30pm. We watched a little of the Olympics, ate dinner and went to bed.

Day 4: When we left the morning of day 4 I put our days destination into the GPS and it was taking us back 10 miles and along I-90 going through Chicago. I really didn't want to go through Chicago. I was hoping to go around and miss the traffic. Well by the time we figured out the way it was taking us I needed to find an alternate route. So we decided to take I-35 through Iowa. When Tammy and I spoke with my mom, she told us we had to stop in and see her Aunt Audry.

Audry is our grandmothers sister. So my mom called her aunt and told her that we would be drive through the area, and would she be up for a visit. She asked us to stop by, so we were planning on having lunch with her. Well lunch turned into dinner and we ended up staying the night. It was fun to see where my grandmother grew up and visit with Aunt Audry. Audry drove us through corn fields to show us the farm that she and Marvin raised their kids on and then over to the farm that Audry and my Grandma Ginny grew up on. I have moved so much that I don't feel like I really have any roots, but it was neat to go somewhere and see where 4 generation of my family lived and died. It was the best part of our trip.

Day 5: We woke up and had breakfast with Audry and then hit the road again. We made it to Pennsylvania and stayed the night somewhere along I-80. Pennsylvania is also another beautiful state. I will have to go back some time soon.

Day 6: I HATE the GPS! We finally arrive in Nanuet at around 2:00pm in the afternoon. The GPS tells us to exit, and turn right then turn right again. The exits in New York are right next to streets and are sometimes part of the road. I wasn't sure where it was taking us, but as soon as I realized it was taking us back the way we came I began looking for an exit to correct our course. The GPS had taken us in heavy traffic 45 minutes out of our way. We finally made it safely and I fell fast asleep.

2008-08-05T17:11:00.001-04:00

Sorry I noticed a typo after I posted. It is "Mutiny on the Bounty" not "Mounty on the Bounty" :)

Astoria often gets, what they call "tall ships" to the port. It is exciting to see the old world ships right next the modern coast guard ships and HUGE barges that are passing by.

Oregon

2008-08-05T16:49:00.000-04:00

My time in Oregon has been interesting and part of the time it has been spent in Washington. I arrived in Oregon in June and spent most of that time helping my family with remodeling their house. I did some side jobs to earn money, but mostly spent time with my family. On July 22nd I drove to Washington State to house sit for some friends that I knew when I was living in Arkansas. They are on a 3 week cruise to Norway and I am taking care of their house.

I told my mother that this July has been the coolest July I have ever had. Most days were in the 70's. The Oregon Coast is a beautiful place, but chilly. I have enjoyed daily walks on the river walk with my mother and brother, and at least once a week with my dad and sister. It is fun watching the sail boats and HUGE barges go up the river. One day the Bounty was docked with the Coast Guard. The one that was built for Mounty on the Bounty.

The wild life is amazing. I have seen elk, deer, bald eagles and all kinds of birds. It is beautiful here.

Food: my favorite place to get fish and chips is at the Bow Picker. It is just across the street from the Maritime Museum. Oh, the fish is heavenly! Buoy Nine is my other favorite for a good meal, but if I want clam chowder is is Moe's all the way!