"I feel like I can relate to the Wicked Witch of the West, from Wicked. Misunderstood, as a single woman in the LDS culture. It is a little like being green. I have felt people wonder what is wrong with me. What “evil” I might have done to end up single? I have often felt "wicked" because of my choices. I have chosen to do other things over being a wife and mother. This is because I feel like that there hasn't and may never be a man to come a long that I can give my heart to. Misunderstood by men as being independent, unapproachable, a bit cold and chilly. I have been told that I play impossible to get, instead of hard to get. Will I be misunderstood my whole life? I am excited about the dreams I have despite the fact that I lack a man in my life. I have dreams, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want a man in my life either.
I dream like most girls growing up and finding that one person who will be my friend, my equal, my comforter, and lover. I might never know him, so I live out my dreams in hope that he will step into my life someday. I wonder if I will ever step out of this green skin? If not, I will go on being misunderstood and green. In the eyes of others not quite a whole person, not quite knowledgeable of life, not quite schooled, someone without the education that comes from having a husband and family. Someone who just doesn’t get it. Someone who still isn’t respected as much as those who are married and have children."
I wrote this before I left Utah in 2008. I still often feel the same when I am around people from the LDS culture, but I was in a different place when I was leaving Utah than I am now. At that time I was very unhappy with my life and felt that I needed to get away from it all. I was unsure of the direction I wanted my life to go and I was so unsatisfied with the direction my life had been going. I have finally come full circle and I am happy with the direction of my life and what I am doing. I feel stronger and more independent. I am ready to let someone into my life, where in 2008, I only could shut people out. I am moving from my apartment right now and while I was packing I found this in my stuff and I thought I would share it. It might be crazy, but it was how I was feeling at the time.
8 comments:
Oh Tiffany, what fantastic writing. Whether you're green/blue/purple/orange - you are amazing!! I am happy to see that you've come full circle and can be happy with your life. If the time is right, you'll find someone. Trust me, if I knew any eligible bachelors in Manhattan I would let you know. Love you!
Noelle,
Thank you! I know I will find someone fantastic someday. For now I will have fun on this journey that we all call life.
T
I echo what Noelle said. You are AMAZING!! I've admired you since the day we met. I think you're Super Woman. Really, I do; you're so talented. Congratulations on coming full circle!
Tiffany,
I am so bummed I missed you when you were here in Utah. I wish you would have just stopped by. You are always welcome!!! Life is a crazy thing. Our journeys take us to the places we need to be inorder to see who we can become. You are wonderful, thanks for being such a great friend.
Jen and Brandon,
I wish I could have stopped by. I miss you guys. I am going to try to make it back some time next year. I'm still not sure if I am going to do another masters or if I'm going to leave the country for awhile. If I leave the country I will make sure I make it you Utah before I head out.
Love you guys!
Tiffany
Tiffany I am loving the photo in your header!
I can tell NYC is rubbing off on you, that photo is very Warhol-esque. I'm so glad that you're happy where you are. As another single person, I've also decided I'm not waiting for anyone and it's my job to make my life the best it can be. Cheers to us!
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